Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What did the turkey say to the chicken?

Gobble gobble

Two cows are standing in a paddock looking stupid. One says to the other "Are you worried about this mad cow disease?" The other replies "nah, I'm a chicken."

Why did the first Koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the first.

Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?

It thought suicide was in.

Why did the fourth Koala fall out of the tree?

It had a grand piano tied to it's foot.

Why did the fifth Koala fall out of the tree?

It was hit by the piano stool.

Why did the Kangaroo drop dead?

It was hit by 5 Koalas and a grand piano.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

Why is a duck?

Because one of it's legs is both the same.

A bear and a rabbit were having a shit in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit "Don't you hate it when shit gets stuck to your fir?", and the rabbit replies "No, not really." So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his bum with it.

What is an elephant's favourite pasttime?

Parachuting.

When de elephants like to go parachuting?

2pm on Tuesdays.

What's the bad thing about elephants parachuting?

It gives them diarreha.

Why do gum trees have strong branches?

To catch falling elephants.

What's the moral of the story?

Don't walk under gum trees at 2pm on Tuesdays.

There was this lady walking home with her shopping and there was this big cow shit on the path. She slipped over it and her shoping went everywhere. She eventually picked everthing up and keep on walking with shit all over her. Then a man walks up the same path and slips over it and his shopping goes everywhere. The lady turns around and says "I did that!!!" and the man says "Well clean it up after you next time!"

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?

Half of a cat.