TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

* You have two cows.

* You sell one and buy a bull.

* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

* You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism):

* You have two cows.

* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

* The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

* The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.

* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You count them and learn you have five cows.

* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* You have 300 people milking them.

* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.

* That one on the left is kinda cute...