Signs of fading stardom

• You appear in your first "Where are they now ?" feature
• You have to arrange to get thrown out of nightclubs
• You get stuck for ideas halfway through writing your autobiography
• Your last ten appearances have all been for charity
• Your family will only give you walk-on parts in home videos
• All your press cuttings are yellow
• Never mind fan mail, you don't even get hate mail any more
• Auctioned memorabilia is worth more without your signature
• Your agent changes his phone number and doesn't tell you