To the tune of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel

It's five o'clock on a weekday,

I'm beginning to feel a cold sweat;

There's a C-64 sitting next to me,

It's the backbone of telstra.net.

I said, "Come, send the world an ICMP,

I don't really care where it goes;

If you cross the Pacific I'll feel just terrific,

But if it works, nobody knows."

Da, da da, de de da,

Da da, de de da, da da.

Chorus:

Send us a ping, O Pacific Link,

Send us a ping tonight,

For we're all in the mood for a minute when

You hold more than ten kilobytes.

Now, John, our beloved Prime Minister

Has an Internet stance far from love,

But he's quick with a frown if the link should fall down

While he's mailing to whitehouse.gov.

He says, "Bill, I believe you've been screwing us,

You're stifling our country's success;

Well, I'm sure that Australia deserves a bit

More than 32 Mbps."

Da, da da, de de da,

Da da, de de da, da da.

Chorus

Now, you might think it's unacceptable,

But there's no need for you to know why;

'Cause if you phone Telstra, they'll say "Go to hell, sir,"

And probably blame MCI.

And over in south California,

As the sysadmins slowly forget

That they've shared more than five thousand coffees,

Still, it's better than minding the net.

(Instrumental)

Chorus

There's some pretty high traffic for Saturday,

And it's sort of refreshing to see

That cpe4-hssi1-0's

Alive more than one time in three.

And the link feels like a casino,

As the roulette wheel once again froze,

Yes, there's 36 red and black numbers, it's said,

But they're 36 million zeroes.

Da, da da, de de da,

Da da, de de da, da da.

Chorus