Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1.

NAME: ___________________________

DATE OF BIRTH:_________________

2.

HEIGHT:__________

WEIGHT:_________

IQ:___________

GPA:____________

3.

SOCIAL SECURITY #:______________

DRIVER'S LICENSE #: ______________

4.

BOY SCOUT RANK:________________________________________________

5.

HOME ADDRESS: ____________________

CITY/STATE:________

ZIP:_______

6.

Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent: Yes/No.

Explain: ____________________________________________________________

7.

Number of years parents married to each other:___________________________

8.

Do you own a van? ______

A truck with oversized tires?_____

A waterbed?_____

9.

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring? _______

A tattoo? ________

10.

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you:

___________________________________________________________________

11.

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you:

___________________________________________________________________

12.

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you:

___________________________________________________________________

13.

Church you attend: _______________________

How often? _______________

14.

Best time to interview your father: _____; mother: ______; clergyman: ________

15.

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential (meaning I won't ever tell anyone; honest, I promise).

A. If shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is

___________________________________________________________________

B. If beaten, the last bone on my body I would want broken is

___________________________________________________________________

C. A woman's place is in the

____________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is

___________________________________________________________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I first notice about her is

___________________________________________________________________

(NOTE: if answer begins with a "t" or an "a", discontinue filling out application, keep your head low, and run away in a serpentine fashion).

16. What do you want to be if you ever grow up?

____________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE. UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKER, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Signed: __________________________ (Sign your name, moron).

Thank you for your interest. Please allow six to eight years for processing. You will be notified in writing of approval. Please do not call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. You are cautioned to watch your back.