1000 Ways to Annoy Your Roomate.

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk tothem.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/h returns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If yourroommate saysanything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior", "Repo Man", "Casablanca") almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on akazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Buy as many back issues of Wall Street Journal as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ball-point pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
26. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/herof stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
36. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that youare going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with"Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space" twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horseradish in your shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
53. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave thebaggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
54. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
55. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit yourroommate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
58. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. Use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
61. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel,and go shower too.
62. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one week and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
63. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
64. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
65. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that youhave won by forfeitand therefore conquered his/her side of the room. Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.
66. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor).
67. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touchwith your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
68. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
69. Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.
70. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it,tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
71. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with ahammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
72. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen andsay, "Don't do that."
73. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie insideit. Spend a weekthinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
74. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Takenotes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say,"The people have a right to know!"
75. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
76. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly ("Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holycow!")
77. Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. Ifyour room mate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with you any more due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.
78. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell,"Oh, you're here!"Walk away yelling and cursing.
79. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
80. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask yourroommate if thewatermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
81. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say,"Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
82. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on themug for about tenminutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
83. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit head as you attemptto crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Damn road runner...."
84. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did", and "Don't think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
85. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
86. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.
87. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!
88. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later", while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
89. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
90. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult withthe worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they're stupid and they don't know what they're talking about.
91. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
92. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your..... Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
93. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
94. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.
95. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter,"Stupid horseshoe....."
96. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like thejack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.
97. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
98. Hold Satanic ceremonies in the middle of the floor while your roommateis going to sleep. Set up a large pentagram painted in blood on the carpet. Light it on fire. Sacrifice goats in the pentagram. If your roommate says anything in the morning look at the ground, mumble, and run away screaming incoherently about the end of the world.
99. Dissect any stereo your roommate might have. Put it back together by gluing things together randomly. Mention to your roommate that the stereo hasn't been working properly.
100. Subsist on restaraunt condiments alone (ketchup, mustard, salt, etc... packets) for several weeks. Develop horrible acne. Nag your roommate abouthis diets nutritional value.
101. Psychoanalyze everything your roommate does.
102. Keep hamsters. Each day when your roommate goes out, let one go. Leavebloody kitchen utensils around with hair on them. Vomit often and complain constantly of having an upset stomach. If your roommate mentions the missinghamsters start talking about golf or the weather.
103. If you have all your hair, start wearing a toupee. If you are bald oralmost so, wear one of those bald head-hat-type-things.
104. Crawl instead of walking. Nibble your food very nervously. Occasionaly bite your roommate.
105. Eat glue.
106. Listen to death rock really loud and throw various types of fruits, especially ones that will squirt nasty juicy stuff out, at the walls while chanting something having to do with brutally murdering the person you live with.
107. Watch CNN, The Weather Channel, The Golf Channel, that fish tank channel, or the Byron Allen show 24 hours a day.
108. Spit a lot.
109. Dye your hair the same colors as Dennis Rodman does. Start trash talking to your roommate and never show up for "practice".
110. Collect anatomically correct dolls of the opposite sex. Play with them a lot.
111. Collect dolls and display them by crucifying them to the wall and scalping them with a swiss army knife.
112. Never admit to ANYTHING. (ie. did you just take a shower? No comment. Did you just go out on a date? Absolutely not, why would you think that?)
113. Be repetitive.
114. Spit a lot.
115. Collect your (or your roommates) dandruff in small sandwich bags. Keepasking if your roommates scalp hurts. if s/he says no say "DAMN!" and storm off.
116. Practice voodoo on your roommate or anyone your roommate knows (ie.parents, dates, friends)
117. Sing Monty Python songs.
118. Invite therapy groups for people driven to violence to be held in yourroom. if your roommate protests, say not to worry, and that only one of them was convicted.
119. Wear dirty overalls and chew hay. occasionaly try to milk your roommate.
120. Become a trekkie.
121. Wear a pocket protector and use the computer all the time. Always talk about ram and other computer stuff. Tell him in detail about your discussions with another trekkie who thinks Captain Picard is better than that guy that William Shatner played. Ridicule the other trekkie.
122. Insult people by calling them names like, poo-poo head, wee-wee brain, or ca-ca doo-doo head, or any combination of those.
123. Complain about Gilligan's Island and The Beverly Hillbillies being canceled very loudly.
124. Learn to juggle. One day when your roommate is out, drop a jugglingball out the window and "hang" yourself halfway out the window. Pretend tohave been hit in the head. When your roommate comes in, tell him/her that your invisible friend Bob got tired of your juggling.
125. Decide to become a clown.
126. Dress up as a clown and tell your roommate that you're going to join thecircus.leave with all of your stuff, and then come back late at night. Wake your roommate up and tell him that they wouldn't take you. Do this repeatedly for a few weeks.
127. (For cold weather places) Build a mini snow man and put it in a petridish. leave it on the windowsill for two weeks. Hold impassioned debateswith it. be the best of friends. One day melt the snowman. go out. Wait until your roommate gets back and walk in. Look at the puddle of water and scream. Fall to your knees crying and screaming at your roommate, "How could you, you, you animal!!". Act like this until your roommate buys you a drink.
128. Be naked a lot.
129. Get really fat and wear tacky, ill-fitting clothing.
130. Same as previous, except go around campus asking people out, telling them that you are your roommate. Give them your roommates e-mail adress, postoffice box number, or whatever. Do so until your roommate has gotten at least 10 pieces of hate-mail. For a challenge, don't stop until someone's boy/girlfriend beats up your roommate.
131. Make a list of "1000 ways to.....", and then only have less than 200.