Doctor jargon and what it means.

• "This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
• "Welllllll, what have we here....." Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
• "We'll see." "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."
• "Let me check your medical history." "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."
• "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this w -or- "I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit."
• "I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor." "I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."
• "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say this alot.)
• "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.
• "Let's see how it develops." "Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured."
• "Let me schedule you for some tests." "I have a 40% intrest in the lab."
• "I'd like to have my associate look at you." "He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune."
• "How are we today?" "I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell."
• "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea."
• "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
• "That's quite a nasty looking wound." "I think I'm going to throw up."
• "This may smart a little." "Last week two patients bit through thier tongues."
• "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?" "I can't remember your name, nor why you are here."
• "This should fix you up." "The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms."
• "Everything seems to be normal." "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."
• "I'd like to run some more tests." "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."
• "Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?" He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.
• "Why don't you slip out of your things." "I don't enjoy this any more than you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up somehow." -or- "I haven't had a good laugh all day."
• "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." "I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week."
• "There is a lot of that going around." "My God, thats the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this."