Why did the man cross the road?

Cause his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Why did the man cross the road?

He was sick of waiting for the bloody woman.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because, after careful market evaluation, consumer surveys and a feasibility study, it was deemed tobe an economically sounder proposition in the long term.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chicken's weren't invented then.

Why did Jesus cross the road?

Because he was nailed to the chicken.

Why did the blonde cross the road?

She didn't Know either.

Why did the economist cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the bassoon recital.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To meet the Budwiser frogs and get a beer.

Why did the chicken cross the road:

Plato: for the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was historical inevitability.

Oliver North: National security was at stake.

Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Regan: I forget.

Mr T: If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too.

As Lacan says, "Because of an essential lack in its being."

Sigmund Freud "It was an unconscious drive."

Winnicott: "The chicken was exploring potential space."

Chomsky: Because it had an innate road-crossing capacity (IRCC).

Gingrich: Because it was getting out of work.

Ilya Progogine: Because the road was in unstable equilibrium.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it's there.

Jerry Seinfeld: "Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

Sigmund Freud (again): The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.