Every single day, I give thanks to God

That I was born a man instead of a broad

I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee

When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV

I go to a barber, not a beauty salon

Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on

Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts

I use my turn signal, I understand sports

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

Tell you the reason I am, man

I don't go through a phase, every 28 days

Man, I'm glad I'm a man

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons

Don't take lots of friends when I go the the john

I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale

And I don't throw a fit when I break a nail

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

Tell you the reason I am, man

I don't face the pain, of water-weight gain

Man, I'm glad I'm a man

I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror

I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer

I drink beer from a bottle and not from a glass

I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

Oh, I love your fair faces

And your warm, soft embraces

And I love those things inside of your blouse

But if I had boobs, I'd not leave the house

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

Tell you the reason I am, man

I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill

Man, I'm glad I'm a man

I don't spend hours getting ready for a date

I don't play with dolls unless they inflate

After sex in bed, my spot's always dry and

when someone asks my age, I never lie

I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines

I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans

I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie

These are probably the same shorts I wore yesterday

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

Tell you the reason I am, man

I find Michael Bolton, completely revoltin'

Man, I'm glad I'm a man