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- How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
- How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What food describes most men? Jerky. Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? Women working at 900 numbers. How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? In the pages of a romance novel. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him. Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? No phone numbers.. What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
- Men are like department stores....their clothes should always be half off.
- Men are like vacations....they never seem to be long enough.
- Men are like computers....hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
- Men are like coolers....load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
- Men are like chocolate bars....sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
- Men are like coffee....the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
- Men are like horoscopes....they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
- Men are like plungers....they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
- Men are like cement....after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
- Men are like laxatives....they irritate the shit out of you.
- Men are like parking spots....the good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
- Men are like a snowstorm....you never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they'll last.
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