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- "I'm hungry." ..... really means..... "I'm hungry."
- "I'm sleepy." ..... really means..... "I'm sleepy."
- "I'm tired." ..... really means..... "I'm tired."
- "Do you want to go to a movie?" ..... really means..... "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
- "Can I take you out to dinner?" ..... really means..... "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
- "Can I call you sometime?" ..... really means..... "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
- "May I have this dance?" ..... really means..... "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
- "Nice dress!" ..... really means..... "Nice cleavage!"
- "You look tense, let me give you a massage." ..... really means..... "I want to fondle you."
- "What's wrong?" ..... really means..... "I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this."
- "What's wrong?" ..... really means..... "What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?"
- "What's wrong?" ..... really means..... "I guess sex tonight is out of the question."
- "I'm bored." ..... really means..... "Do you want to have sex?"
- "I love you." ..... really means..... "Let's have sex now."
- "I love you, too." ..... really means..... "Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!"
- "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." ..... really means..... "I liked it better before."
- "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." ..... really means..... "$50 and it doesn't look that much different!"
- "Let's talk." ..... really means..... "I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me."
- "Will you marry me?" ..... really means..... "I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys."
- (while shopping) "I like that one better." ..... really means..... "Pick any freakin'dress and let's go home!"
- "I'm going fishing." ..... really means..... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
- "It's a guy thing." ..... really means..... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
- "Can I help with dinner?" ..... really means..... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
- "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." ..... really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
- "It would take too long to explain." ..... really means..."I have no idea how it works."
- "We're going to be late." ..... really means..... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
- "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." ..... really means..... "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
- "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." ..... really means..... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
- "That's interesting, dear." ..... really means..... "Are you still talking?"
- "It's a really good movie." ..... really means..... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
- "That's women's work." ..... really means..... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
- "You know how bad my memory is." ..... really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
- "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." ..... really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
- "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." ..... really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
- "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." ..... really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
- "I can't find it." ..... really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
- "What did I do this time?" ..... really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
- "I heard you." ..... really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
- "You know I could never love anyone else." ..... really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
- "You look terrific." ..... really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
- "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." ..... really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
- "We share the housework." ..... really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up"
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