Women's Advice to Men

• The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
• The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
• If we're watching football with you - it's not bonding - it's the butts.
• If the truth hurts, ask us those ego - sensitive questions on your payday.
• Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
• Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
• Please don't drive when you're not driving.
• Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
• Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.
• If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask us in bed.
• The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by male rubber-necking at the mini-skirts.
• If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
• Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.
• When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
• Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life - you'll never see the 'island' coming.
• Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.
• Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
• Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
• Your balding is a good thing - it subsidizes our hair care expenses.