Funny Stuff - Media Funnies - Grafitti ====================================================================== + Black holes are what happened when God divided by 0. + If you've got water on the knee, you're not aiming straight. + But for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for us all. + Before the Howard government came to power we were on the edge of an economic precipice. Since then we've taken a great step forward. + A stitch in time would confuse Stephen Hawking. + I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam. + Cigarettes cause statistics. + Cancer cures smoking. + Why drink drive when you can smoke dope and fly home. + Don't drink drive, you'll spill it. + Don't drink drive, it's a washing detergent. + What do you say to an Arts graduate? Big Mac and fries. + Ignore this sign. + Roses are reddish, violets are blueish, if it wasn't for Jesus, we'd all be Jewish. + Is reincarnation making a comeback? + Due to Paul Keating's budget deficit, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off at weekends. + Reality is for poeple who can't cope with drugs. + Racism is a pigment of the imagination. + I'm bisexual, when I can't get it, I buy it. + Aural sex gives eargasms. + Nervous breakdowns are hereditary. You get them from your kids. + Necrophilia is dead boring. + Marriage is a fine institution. But who wants to live in an institution? + Bo Peep did it for the insurance. + Keep incest in the family. + My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours. + I like sadism, necrophillia and beastiality. Am I flogging a dead horse? + Avoid the end of year rush. Fail your exams now. + Diarrhoea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans. + The desision is maybe and that's final. + Life Motto: Life is like needing to go to the toilet in the middle of the night - you really don’t want to get up and do it, but you feel so much better when you have. + Have you ever noticed how, in all books, people coming into a room always gently close the door behind them? I suppose the reason for this is that if they closed the door in front of themselves they’d still be outside. + Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn. + The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe. + We can’t all be heroes - because somebody has to sit on the kerb and clap as they go by. + Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. + The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. + If your parents didn’t have any children, there’s a good chance that you won’t have any. + Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you. + When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. + Nothing makes mothers happy, so don’t try to cheer them up. Mothers are meant to suffer and be depressed. That’s why they had you. + For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. + Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery contains. + Skiing combines outdor fun and knocking down trees with your face. + Always borrow from a pessimist - he never expects to get it back anyhow. + Always look out for number one and be careful not to step in number two. + If you don’t want your children to hear what you are saying, pretend you’re talking to them. + Fortunately the wheel was invented before the car, otherwise the scraping noise would have been terrible! + Jogging would be so much more popular if you could just somehow do it sitting down. + I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. + Nature is wonderful. A million years ago she didn’t know we were going to need glasses, but look where she put our ears. + How does the guy who drives the snow plough get to work in the morning? + You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? + A rabbit’s foot may be lucky - but not for the original owner. + Avoid pain - always use adhesive panty pads the right side up. + Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway. + She had the Midas touch: Everything she touched turned into a muffler. + It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. + Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what’s the point? + If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? + If Noah had been truly wise he would have swatted these two flies. + Encourage your fellow dwellers to develop obsessive, compulsive disorder - that way you’ll never have to clean your own room. + You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes - why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same stuff? + May you live all the days of your life. + Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? + Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there? + Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? + Titanic: right disaster, wrong ship Navigation ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Prev page: American Girl Scout Cosmopolitan (Girl-Scout-Cosmopolitan.txt) Next page: Cards You'll Never See (Greeting-Cards-Youll-Never-See.txt) Menu page: Media Funnies Sub - Menu (Mainmenu.txt) Home page: Back to Funny Stuff Central (../Mainmenu.txt) Last Modified ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunday 26 October, 2003 @ 19:46:12:671 EST Metadata ---------------------------------------------------------------------- DC.Title: Funny Stuff - Media Funnies - Grafitti DC.Creator: Starweb Document Generator V2.6 DC.Subject: Humour DC.Description: A collection of humour pages collected and submitted from the internet. DC.Publisher: Lukas Tan DC.Contributor: DC.Date: 2003-10-26 DC.Type: Media Funnies DC.Format: text/html DC.Identifier: C:\Documents and Settings\Lukas\My Documents\Homepage\Humour\Media\Grafitti.txt DC.Source: Grafitti.swx DC.Language: en DC.Relation: txt.swt DC.Coverage: Global DC.Rights: Under Australian law, copyright of this document falls with it's publisher (Lukas Tan). However, all humour content is considered to have open copyright.