Murphy's Volunteer Bushfire Brigade Laws
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  1. Don't look conspicuous. When you’re dealing with the public it draws stupid questions. Back on Station it draws Crew Leaders.
  2. There is always an easy way.
  3. The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week.
  4. When dealing with the public try to look unimportant, They may go and find someone else to ask that stupid question to.
  5. Falling trees have the right of way.
  6. Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large.
  7. If your Captain can see you then so can the public.
  8. Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it. Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN".
  9. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
  10. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
  11. Crew Leaders, not GOD, make priorities. There’s a difference.
  12. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
  13. Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do.
  14. Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake.
  15. One Crew leader is never enough but two is entirely too many.
  16. A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain.
  17. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
  18. The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired.
  19. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  20. Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will and self - starters won’t.
  21. The item of equipment that usually won’t start or jams when you need it the most is the pump.
  22. You aren't Superman.
  23. If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid.
  24. The important things are always simple.
  25. The simple things are always hard: Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
  26. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
  27. The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out.
  28. The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command.
  29. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching.
  30. As soon as you are served hot food in the field, it rains.
  31. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
Last modified: Saturday 24 July, 2004 @ 12:38:32:484 EST