Heaven is when you have a British salary an American home Chinese food a German car and a South African wife.

Hell is when you have an American car a British wife a Chinese home German food and a South African salary.

Alternatively.....

In Heaven:

the cooks are French,

the policemen are English,

the mechanics are German,

the lovers are Italian

and the bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

the cooks are English,

the policemen are German,

the mechanics are French,

the lovers are Swiss

and the bankers are Italian.