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- Save the trees..... Wipe your butt with an owl.
- Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
- Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
- Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
- If you can read this, please flip me back over..... (seen upside down, on a Jeep)
- Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.
- Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
- Feel safe tonight ..... Sleep with a cop.
- Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
- GUYS: No shirt, no service.
- GALS: No shirt, no charge.
- If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??
- Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
- Axe me about Ebonics
- Boldly going nowhere
- Cat: The other white meat
- CAUTION - Driver legally blonde
- Don't be sexist - broads hate that!
- Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
- He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
- If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
- If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
- WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
- What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
- Keep honking, I'm reloading.
- Constipated people don't give a shit.
- Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.
- If you drink, don't park...accidents cause people.
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
- Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
- If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.
- My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
- Thank you for pot smoking.
- To all you virgins...thanks for nothing.
- If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
- Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
- If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
- It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
- If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
- EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
- If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
- Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.
- I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.
- So many stupid people... so few comets.
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
- All generalizations are false.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
- Born free...Taxed to death.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
- Montana - At least our cows are sane!
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- No radio - Already stolen.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
- Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
- IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- I souport publik edekashun.
- Be nice to your kids.
- They'll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Keep honking...I'm reloading.
- Caution: I drive like you do.
- Heaven don't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over!"
- "Speed on, brother, Hell aint even half full!"
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrious.
- "So what if I'm slow, I'm still ahead of you."
- Don't Drink and Drive... you might hit a bump and spill your drink
- If ya don't like my driving, get off of the sidewalk!
- Warning! I speed up to run down little animals.
- Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
- Illiterate? Write for help!
- Get in, sit down, shut-up and HANG ON.
- Conserve wildlife - pickle a squirrel
- If you don't like the way I drive, dial 1-800-Eat-Sh#t
- Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
- Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
- If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
- Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
- If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
- Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
- If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
- My Kid Got Your Honour Roll Student Pregnant.
- Thank You For Pot Smoking.
- To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
- If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
- Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
- If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
- Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
- It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
- If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
- You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
- The Earth Is Full - Go Home
- I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
- This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
- So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
- Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
- If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
- The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
- Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
- Illiterate? Write For Help
- Honk If Anything Falls Off
- Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes
- He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
- I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
- You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
- I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
- Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand basket?
- It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
- I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
- If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off..... (Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest)
- If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.....
- Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
- If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over..... (Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep)
- Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
- Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge (Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant)
- If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
- Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
- Ax Me About Ebonics
- Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
- Boldly Going Nowhere
- Cat: The Other White Meat
- Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
- Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
- Heart Attacks..... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
- Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
- How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
- If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
- Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
- Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
- Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition
- PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
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