Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids

Bad: You can't find your birth control pills

Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room

Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there

Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion

Bad: He's a cross dresser

Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing

Bad: He's involved with the woman next door

Ugly: So are you

Good: You're having sex

Bad: The dog came in the room and licked your butt

Ugly: You liked it

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter

Bad: She keeps interrupting

Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you

Bad: She wants a divorce

Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early

Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47

Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas