Introduction

Well, we've all seen the adds on T.V. about the never ending packs of Tim Tams, but have you ever thought about the implications that a never ending pack of Tim Tams could have? This never ending pack of Tim Tams poses several questions relating to our understanding of matter, space and the universe in general. The following document examines the possibilities, probabilities and problems of the never ending pack of Tim Tams.

Existance

This is a somewhat creationist type problem, only the question involves not the earth or the universe, but the Tim Tams. Does a never ending pack of Tim Tams exist? Going on our current "knowledge" of our extended environment, no, it doesn't. This is because the big cheese scientists, astronomers and the like tell us that our universe is not infinite but finite, therefore a never ending (infinite) pack of Tim Tams cannot exist as you cannot have an infinite object in a finite space. However, we do not know for sure that our universe is finite or if it is there is always the possibility of one or more "parallel" universes. There could be an infinite number of parallel universes, we don't know. Basically, we can't prove that where we live is finite or infinite. Similarly, we can't prove that the infinite pack of Tim Tams does or doesn't exist (we can only believe.....), so for this document we will hypothesise that it does, otherwise this would be a rather short and pointless discussion. And anyway, if the N.E.P.T. didn't exist some American would be trying to sue Arnotts for misleading advertising by now.

Definition

OK, so it exists, but what is it? The primary idea of the never ending pack of Tim Tams is that the owner (if it can be owned) will have an infinite supply of Tim Tams from that packet. The idiot box shows the never ending pack to be a standard pack of Tim Tams which refills itself whenever someone takes one out, but this is essentially a regenerating pack of Tim Tams. The other option is that the actual packet, little plastic tray and all, is infinitely long and full of Tim Tams. This second possibility has several immediate implications, ie the universe is infinite. Both options supply infinite Tim Tams and therefore pass the criteria, and both are viable, one because it's on T.V. so it must be true and the second because we can't disprove it and it matches the description better. The solution? There isn't one, so both cases will be considered in subsequent discussion.

Creation

Where, then, did this infinite pack of Tim Tams come from? The obvious answer would be "the Arnotts factory", as this is where Tim Tams usually come from, but this is a special case. Did a God create the N.E.P.T.? Just imagine the adds that Arnotts would come up with then (The biscuit of the Gods.....), or was the N.E.P.T. created by a big bang? Did aliens drop it to earth? Well, we can safely (sort of) discount the big bang theory (what are the chances?) and why would God make a N.E.P.T. (Monte Carlos maybe, but Tim Tams?) anyway? If the aliens dropped them off (It fell off the back of a spaceship.....) they would be green because the aliens are but Tim Tams are brown, so there goes that theory. One important point that we have so far ignored is that the N.E.P.T. is in fact a normal pack that is transformed by the genie. This makes all of the above irrelevant, as the pack was just your ordinary, Joe Blogs pack of Tim Tams to begin with. This means that the pack came from the Arnotts factory, as per normal, but where then, did the genie come from.....? Conversion This part of the discussion looks at the conversion of a pack of ordinary Tim Tams into a N.E.P.T., the how, why and who. For a start, the who is the Genie. He (how politically incorrect) appears when the actor rubs the genie's lamp (he prefers to call it his mobile home), with, of course, a puff of smoke and a bit of glitter thrown into the air. This genie is, as previously stated, always male, and is also usually wearing some sort of happy pants and a jacket/waistcoat type thing. Genies seem to be pretty stupid as a whole, as they can never manage to button up these jackets, let along put on a T-shirt (too many holes for one piece of clothing, the pants are hard enough). The genie is also usually more "sexually active" than usual, whatever usual is, but this is understandable. The why part is also simple to answer. The genie is asked to. But why do the actors ask for a never ending pack of Tim Tams instead of, say, world peace? In reality, the answer would be capitalism, but for the commercial's sake, they were paid to. The difference being? The remaining question is how. The answer to this involves genie chemistry, which is another text file. Basically, the genie does some genie trick and the deed is done.

Implications

Lets start with the physically infinite packet of Tim Tams, ie it is infinitely long. The existance of such an entity has several implications. These include the fact that the universe is infinite, it has to be to fit the Tim Tams in. This implication itself has widespread effects on the scientific world. Different points of the pack would experience different gravitational fields as the pack passed through the gravitational fields of other planets, solar systams, etc. Would the pack bend or stay pulled straight by its mass on either side of the field? Since the pack is infinite it would have an infinite mass and therefore an infinite gravitational pull itself. It would act as a black hole of sorts, and then suck the entire universe into it as well as imploding on itself. But wait - the universe is infinite, and so it would never be fully sucked in. This means that the universe would basically be in turmoil as it was constantly being sucked into a pack of Tim Tams with an expandingly infinite mass. Could any life survive in such an enviroment? Probably not, so there would be no one to eat Tim Tams from the infinite pack that they had wished for. Catch 22. The other possibility, the standard size pack that keeps refilling itself, also has numerous implications. Say you took that pack, went to the Grand Canyon and held it upside down. The canyon would be filled with Tim Tams. It could be used to feed the starving millions. This pack would, however, cause several "upsets". Every time a Tim Tam is magically replaced by the pack, where does it come from? Three possibilities, the first being that every time a T.T. pops into being, it leaves a little hole somewhere in the universe. The second is that the afore mentioned hole is elswhere on earth. All those holes are bound to eventually cause a problem. The other possibility is that the T.T. is just created, defying the law of conservation of matter. With options one and three, the earth will slowly gain mass and therefor gravitational attractiveness. This means we all weigh more, fall faster etc., as well as causing numerous orbiting bodies (the moon, satelites) to come plummeting towards the earth (again making it weigh more and again increasing gravitational pull). Option two will affect the center of gravity of the earth and cause the earth to fly off into space. All pretty disastourous.

Conclusion

Summararily, no matter what the fabled N.E.P.T. would be, it would cause the demise of at minimum the earth, probably more. A N.E.P.T. would not be a good thing to wish for, unless you wished for safeguards to go with it. I hope that Arnotts know what they've started.