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- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Put on your seatbelt..... I wanna try something.
- The Universe is a figment of its own imagination.
- There's no future in time travel.
- Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Smith and Wesson: The original point and click interface.
- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
- DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
- If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Death is hereditary.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
- Dyslexics of the world, untie!
- If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer!
- Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Arachibutyrophobia : fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth.
- Shin : a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How do I set my laser printer on stun?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
- If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- What happens when none of your bees wax?
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