It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

However, we do realise the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code replacements so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to your more sensitive co-workers.

OLD PHRASE - NEW PHRASE

No fucking way - I’m fairly sure that’s not feasible

You’re fucking kidding - Really?

Tell someone who gives a fuck - Have you run that by ....?

No cunt told me - I wasn’t involved in that project

I don’t have the fucking time - Perhaps I can work late

Who fucking cares - Are you sure that’s a problem?

Eat shit and die - You don’t say

Eat shit and die, motherfucker - You don’t say, sir

Kiss my ass - So, you’d like me to help you

He’s a fucking prick - He’s somewhat insensitive

You have not got a fucking clue - You could use some more training

This place is fucked - We’re a little disorganised today

What sort of fuck-wit are you - You’re new here, aren’t you

Fuck off shit head - Well, there you go

You’re a fucking wanker - You’re my superior and I respect you

Ha, suck eggs - I wasn’t here that day

You’re fucking paranoid - So, you’re from Sydney

You’re fucking useless - So, you’re from Melbourne

Fuck off - I’ll look into that and get back to you

Fuck off, dickhead - I no longer require your assistance

You fucking loser - Gee, that was unfortunate