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- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
- The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
- To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
- No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
- The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
- "An organisation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, and some coming down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
- The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes."
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